As always, I was running late. The truck in front of me was turning right. Clearly, there were no vehicles approaching from that direction. He was free to turn. So why, oh why, wasn’t he turning?
The longer we sat, the more agitated I became.
What was wrong with this person anyway? Did they need an eye exam? A driving lesson? What?
When I was completely worked up and ready to blast the horn, the vehicle in front of him, who was hidden to me, crossed the traffic and turned left.
And I thanked my lucky stars that I had kept my hand off the horn.
Immediately, I knew I had just experienced a life lesson.
It seems to be our natural human tendency to judge a situation.
“Why isn’t she doing this?”
“Why are they doing that?”
“ I think it should be done this way. “
The reality is, most of the time, like the hidden vehicle, there is so much about a situation that we cannot see and have no idea that it even exists. We judge based on what we see and what we know.
And unless it is our own personal situation, can we really ever have enough knowledge and insight to decide what is best for someone else?
Why does a woman choose to stay in a bad relationship?
Why does an individual leave a relationship that appears to be perfect?
Why does an individual stay in a job that seems to be a dead end?
Why is one family alienated from another?
The list goes on and on.
No matter how close we are or think we are to another individual, the answer truly is, we don’t know.
Every family that I know, every person with whom I am friends, has faced very difficult situations. And they have made the very best decisions that they can based on their very real, very own, circumstances.
Just last night, even as I was pondering this post, a neighbor mentioned something happening in the neighborhood. Immediately, I started to chime in with an opinion on how I thought they should proceed.
With the vehicle scenario and this post fresh in my mind, I stopped myself. What I said instead was, “The knowledge that I have about this situation wouldn’t fill a thimble. I am sure they will make the best decision they can for all involved.”
My guess says most of us would consider ourselves to be non-judgmental. We might possibly be one of the first to quote the Bible regarding judging (Matthew 7:1; Judge not, that ye be not judged). However, after starting this post, I have become hyper-aware of my very own tendency to judge a situation based on my very limited knowledge, to point out what I would do in any given situation.
Here’s what I have learned as absolute truth. Until I have faced a situation, there is no way that I can know for sure how I will react. No way.
And even after facing a situation, I can only empathize with another person. Just because I may have dealt with a situation in a certain way does not mean that makes me an authority on what everyone else should do.
Our pastor sums it up this way; “We accuse others and excuse ourselves.”
We are all human. I get that. Our natural tendency is to invoke our opinion about what we think is best, about the best way to act / react to something.
But we do so without knowing the full story. (No matter if we think we know the full story.)
And when the tables are turned, and someone has the audacity to pronounce judgement on our actions, we are not happy. Because, we are doing the best we can with what we have. We are making the best decisions we are able based on our own circumstances. And we realize that as an outsider, the person passing judgement has no inside knowledge of our circumstances.
In an attempt to rein in my inner judge, I have intentionally cultivated some phrases to put in my arsenal.
“I don’t know enough about that to have an opinion on what is best.”
“I am sure they are doing the best they can.”
“There are probably things involved about which I know nothing.”
“Unless I have faced a situation, I have realized that I don’t really know what I would do.”
Do you think you don’t partake? My challenge to you is this:
Intentionally monitor your conversations.
Take note of how many times you innocently comment about what you think another individual should do.
Is it possible that you are partaking more often than you realize?
If you find yourself indulging, feel free to join me in attempting to rein in your inner judge.
It is a little shift in thinking that makes an enormous difference to both yourself and others.
Give it a try!
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Hi Micki,
Another thought provoking post, and very true. We don’t have all the facts and yet we think we have the best answers. Thank you for the great reminder.
Here is a slight variation to your topic that is equally thought provoking.
“how often we judge ourselves by our intentions while we judge others by their actions”.
I don’t recall where I came across this but I really like it.
That variation is all too true. Thanks for taking the time to pass that on!
Hope you have a great day!