From time to time we all become mentally and physically drained.
When it becomes a lifestyle, it is time for a serious assessment.
Recently I took what was supposed to be a four-day trip to visit my daughter.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, it turned into a twenty-day trip. (I packed for four!)
Upon returning home I was pondering all the lessons that I learned during this unexpected, extended time away from home. There were so many and I definitely wanted to share some of them. But which one first?
The time away gave me a fresh perspective on my life.
What really stood out was that I returned home completely rested, both mentally and physically. During my time away I had absolutely none of my usual responsibilities. The distance was simply too far to be available to do anything for anyone. (If you think that sounds incredible, let me assure you, IT WAS!)
In addition, the things for which I usually took responsibility, got done anyway. Or didn’t, depending. And guess what? Time didn’t stop. Life went on. There were no earth-shattering consequences of being unavailable.
Seriously, life went on without me? That was a huge, huge wake up call for me.
It was time for a serious life assessment.
When I really stopped to think, I had to admit that there was not one huge thing that tended to be draining my mental and physical resources.
Instead, all of the little things together became the stuff that was sucking the life out of me.
It stands to reason, if the little things, about which I blog, can help you achieve big things, then the reverse is also true. The little things, added together, can mushroom into a big thing that topples you mentally and physically.
And this is where my writing gets sticky.
When I did a true assessment, which is ongoing by the way, I was appalled at the little things I had allowed to creep into my life.
If I were to list everything, two things would happen:
1.) It would sound like I was trying to be a martyr or
2.) It would appear that I was quite stupid.
Neither is a good option, so suffice it to say, I had allowed myself to be stretched way, way too thin.
If you can relate, read on.
There were two areas that I had to take a good, hard look at. My home and my outside commitments.
The current post is concerning my home.
After some serious pondering, I decided to apply the following questions to everything for which I had assumed responsibility.
Can / should someone else be doing this?
Unless you are the only person over 5 years old living in your home, evaluate what someone else has the ability to do.
As I was writing this, I texted my sister. When her youngest daughter was in kindergarten, the teacher requested that the parents send in a list of any chores for which the student was responsible.
“Would you text what your reply was at the time?”
This was her response:
“LOL. I’m a little ashamed. Feed the dog, feed the cats, fold laundry, iron hankies, pick blueberries, pack her lunch, take out compost, help in garden, make her bed, clean off table after meals, put away silverware in dishwasher, help me dust, put away toys at night and take out recyclables. “
Today Emily is a very hard working, dedicated nurse who has an excellent work ethic.
We do our children a disservice if we do everything for them. We deny them the opportunity to learn to work and, in the process, we become overworked (and often bitter) moms.
The question can also be applied to other adults that live in the home.
While I was away, Brian very capably went to the grocery store, made meals, fed the animals, made the coffee, did the laundry and anything and everything else that was necessary.
He’s still capable! He is still willing 😉
Applying the following questions is also enlightening.
Is it necessary?
So much of what we routinely do in our homes can probably be simply eliminated. Does ANYONE still routinely iron? Not in my world.
Is there an easier way to do this?
For many years I have often made homemade waffles. While I was away, I asked Brian what he and Isaac ate for breakfast.
“Waffles”
“Really, you made waffles?”
With a smile, “No, they make frozen ones.”
Yesterday I bought frozen waffles.
What boundaries can be implemented?
Setting boundaries is probably the biggest thing on which I need to work.
We are spouses, we are parents, we are children of elderly parents. Being available 24/7 for everyone in our lives takes a toll both mentally and physically. Boundaries can lessen the drain. One hour of uninterrupted time (phone off) can work wonders at restoring physical and mental peace.
If you are feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated, I would like to urge you to evaluate everything that you do in your home and apply these four questions.
Can / should someone else be doing this?
Is it necessary?
Is there an easier way to do this?
What boundaries can be implemented?
Make it an ongoing assessment. For a long time to come, much to Brian’s and Isaac’s dismay, I fully anticipate applying those questions to everything that I do.
The drain may not be completely eliminated but hopefully it will stem the flow.
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IT’S A LITTLE THING THAT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME!
Wow, I’m going to start this now! I think this will help me so much!
Please let me know! I hope it does.
These are great tips. I sometimes do things because I don’t want anyone to get upset with me or I want to avoid a battle. It’s more draining to try and make them do it (I’m talking about my kids because my partner is absolutely amazing with helping out). However, I know this is doing us all a disservice. You think I’d have learned this by now! Great post.
Every parent that I know falls into that trap at one point or another.
However, we really can’t do it all and have anything left over mentally or physically for those we love most.
Thanks for the comment.
We are never too old to learn…. and should always find joy in the little things. Once it becomes draining, the fun is no longer there. Women should always reevaluate and not be afraid to say- no. We will all get through the bumps in the road!!
Blessings, Toni.
Thank you for the comment! We do need to continually reevaluate. It’s sometimes difficult to remember to do!
I loved the bit about the waffles. Sometimes we think we need to go to an extreme, when there’s a simpler solution waiting there for us so we can actually REST – while still accomplishing a goal. Thanks for sharing!
You are right. There is often a simpler solution if we would take the time to look for one!
Thanks for commenting.
A 4 day trip turned into 20 days sounds like my dream! Haha but it is so interesting to think about everything we do on a daily basis that makes us feel the world will stop if we don’t, but reality is, it doesn’t! Such a great mindset and reflection on it all.
It was a dream! Getting away for that long really was an eye opener for me.
Thanks for commenting.
These are good questions. My husband and I both try to do way too much, so the “should someone else be doing this” question is hard. A lot of the cleaning gets neglected because we both kind of feel like the other should do it. I’ve also learned to take an easier way when I can. We are fortunate that we have a little extra money, so we can pay for more convenience.
We all try to do way too much. The things we do aren’t always necessary.
Thanks for commenting
Love these tips! There are times here and there where I feel drained and I have to step back and ask myself a lot of these questions. Such a great way to access things much better when life gets crazy.
I hope the questions help. Keep me updated.
This is your best one yet Micki. This past weekend I spent totally on my little ones. We had a great time and I really did very little around the house. They are only little for a very short time. I don’t know why I didn’t realize this when my children were small. My grandchildren have my 100% attention.
It is too bad we didn’t figure it out when our kids were young. Our grand kids are reaping the benefits.
Thanks for the compliment!
It is very hard to step down from the super woman perch but it is a whole lot less demanding LOL
Isn’t that the truth!