What is your immediate reaction when someone zings you with criticism cloaked in the form of an unwanted, unsolicited opinion or comment?
Since thinking quick when caught off guard is difficult, having a standard, go to, reply can salvage the awkward moment.
My story
I was driving Brian to the doctor, and he was not a happy passenger.
For whatever reason, I had only one hand on the steering wheel, and he felt the need to point out the error of my ways.
His opinion, that he so thoughtfully shared, was that I should be driving with both hands on the steering wheel.
Luckily, for him, I was willing to overlook his cranky mood.
And so, I simply responded, “noted”.
He laughed, I smiled, and on we continued on our way with me having said a lot with a simple one-word response.
Typically, I’m not a quick thinker, and when caught off guard, my default is to go on the defensive.
After that exchange, it occurred to me that having a standard reply would be helpful at times when someone zings me with an unwanted opinion or comment.
Why does having a standard reply work?
A standard reply keeps you from feeling it’s necessary to defend your position.
Often when we are zinged by criticism, cloaked in the form of an opinion or comment, we feel the need to defend ourselves and explain.
There are very few people in your life to whom you need to defend your actions or decisions.
If the person offering their opinion or comment isn’t one of them, an explanation isn’t necessary.
A well-crafted, standard reply says, I hear you, but I’m choosing not to engage.
A standard reply should effectively end the conversation.
Except for the most determined, the average person will realize you do not appreciate their input and drop the subject.
A standard reply gives you control.
Instead of blurting out information you don’t wish to share, a standard reply buys you time to decide what and how much you are willing to share.
To come up with your own standard reply, think of all those past zingers that left you speechless and stinging.
Given a do-over, how would you respond?
That’s your starting point when coming up with a standard reply.
Here are some examples of standard replies that work in a variety of situations.
- Noted
- Your opinion has been noted
- Thanks for your input
- I’ll give that some thought
- I’ll give that the thought it deserves
Sometimes the criticism comes cloaked in the form of a question.
Instead of feeling pushed to provide an answer, come back with your standard reply.
- Is there a reason you’re asking?
- Is there a reason you want to know?
- I don’t have an answer right now, but if I think of one I want to share, I’ll let you know
If the opinion or comment is from someone who genuinely cares and is concerned, simply thank them and tell them you really will think about what they said.
What is your immediate reaction when someone zings you with criticism cloaked in the form of an unwanted, unsolicited opinion?
Having a standard reply will take the sting out of the zing and let you walk away feeling like a winner.
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