Would you like to feel instantly happier and more at peace?
Being happier starts with one simple shift: releasing expectations created solely in our minds.
My Story
Decades ago, a young couple in the church which I was attending felt led to begin an outreach ministry.
All was well in the beginning. Until they begin expecting other members to hop on board and share their time and money in making the ministry a success.
The couple was disappointed, hurt and frustrated, that very few members shared their passion and resources to help grow their ministry.
The members in turn were frustrated and angry at being expected to take part in a ministry in which they had been given no voice in starting.
The ripples were felt throughout the church and some of the cracks have never healed.
Expecting others to conform to your expectations is a recipe for anger, hurt and disappointment. All of which are happiness drains.
That happiness drain can be plugged by what I call the three Rs of expectations: Recognition, Reality, and Release.
Expectations
We all have expectations, of ourselves and of others.
Expectations are a strong belief that something will or should go a certain way.
Basically, we write a story in our mind and expect reality to follow suit.
When reality falls short, hurt, anger, and disappointment follow.
Take the time to recognize what they are and how they steal your happiness.
Recognition
Learn to recognize when an expectation is draining your happiness.
Unless there is a clearly communicated agreement in place, an expectation is one hundred percent a mental interpretation of how a situation should play out, how someone should behave, or what someone should say.
Think about that.
Your feelings of anger, frustration, or disappointment are the direct result of what is basically a script you’ve written in your head.
The next time you are sad, angry, or disappointed, stop and ask yourself if it is because reality did not live up to an expectation you had in place.
Once you recognize the culprit, it’s time for a reality check.
Reality
The reality check is the hardest and most crucial piece of the equation.
We want what we want, and we tend to believe that our way is the only best and right way.
The reality is, it’s not.
Everyone has their own unique way of saying and doing things and very seldom will it line up with your unique way of thinking and doing.
Add to that most of the time, there are other pieces to the puzzle.
A great example, one where all kinds of feathers get ruffled, is an adult-only wedding.
Oh boy! Talk about reality failing expectations.
Even though someone may want their child to attend a wedding, the couple has the right to request otherwise.
For a quick reality check ask yourself; “what is my expectation based on?”.
If it’s based on nothing but the way you think something should be, release it.
Accept that the only thing you can control about any given situation is your reaction to it. That is the true reality.
Release
Releasing an expectation is where you get your happiness back.
Picture yourself going outside holding onto a brightly colored helium balloon that is your expectation.
Release it, let it float away.
As it floats away, enjoy the tension that goes with it.
Let the happiness fill you back up.
You may have to repeat this several times. Do it.
The results are worth it.
Final Thoughts
If you would like to feel happier and more at peace, plug the expectation happiness drain.
Practice the three Rs of expectations; recognition, reality, and release and feel your happiness bank refill.
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